He was...here.

I sometimes think about death. Maybe not so much about the act of dying, but what my life will have meant. Will my life have meant anything to anyone? Did I do anything to make a difference in anyone's life? Did anyone want to know Christ because of how they saw me live? Did anyone NOT want to know Christ because of how they saw me live? Will anyone know my name other than the people who have been a part of my life? A hundred years after I die, did I leave any kind of a reason for my name to be mentioned? Other than my family and my close friends, I'm pretty sure nobody would care.

But, I'm not talented enough to be remembered in the same way as Beethoven, John Lennon, William Shakespeare, or Elvis Presley are. Not smart enough to invent the next car, or airplane, or computer. I'm never going to win a Nobel Prize. Never going to be bold enough to mimic the apostle Paul. You'll never see my name next to Johann Gutenberg, Christoher Columbus, Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, or Ts'ai Lun. I'm never going to make a speach like Martin Luther King, Jr. that changes our way of thinking. People are never going to start religions in honor of me as the did with Confucius, Buddha, or Muhammad, nor would I want them to because Jesus Christ is the only one who should be worshipped, but it's amazing to me that these people did so much good and had such an influence that people actually believed that these mortal men were "god".

I don't really even care to be as influencial as the people I mentioned. I just don't want my existence to be a waste. God put me here for a reason and I seriously doubt it's just to breathe this air for awhile and worry about making myself happy. I may never influence anyone outside of my circle of friends and family and if that's God's purpose for me, that's more than fine. If God's purpose for me is to say one thing to one person that leads to them influencing one person that leads to them influencing one person and so on, then it's very important that I don't miss that opporunity. That one opportunity could be my sole reason for being on earth.

I believe that if I focus on loving God and loving people, I will live out my purpose on this life, whatever that may be. God help me.

The Future

The future looks so bright. All this time I'd been trying to see my future in the midst of the night.


I'm so excited for the rest of my life. I can't wait to spend it with you, Jennie.

"Every Tick of The Clock, One Moment I Lost"

I cried at the thought of rejection,
screamed at the sound of it.
I melted from the heat of embarrassment,
hid from the opportunity.
I fell to the feet of fear,
my guiding light.
Steered me from chance,
leaving many things unknown.
Keep convincing myself
I won't shed a tear when I'm old.

"The Ghost"

I am a ghost
invisible and dead inside
haunting the places I'm comfortable
surprising those who know I had died.

Searching a world
that no longer knows I exist
for the one thing
that, while dead, I've missed.

I seek revenge on my murderer
and when I awake to rise from my grave
no one understands
why I keep coming back to this place.

Maybe one day
I'll feel alive once more,
but with the one who killed me
I must settle the score.

Oh Me, Oh My

This is my first post on this blog so I just wanted to mention a few things. I will be using this blog for everything from random thoughts, to poetry, to venting about things such things as pop culture, religion, politics, etc. I'll probably be transferring some of my former blogs on other sites to this one as well.
I'm running low on rest and don't really have too much to say right now. I just kinda wanted to get that first post out of the way.